Nov 18, 2007

Scootylicious!

      She started it. I was not hungry at all. She called me up and threatened to do un-printable severing actions with my un-printable assets. I was not intimidated and hinted quite obviously, that she could jump off the Kanchenjunga sans parachute, than try seduce me to come with her for lunch. But she, Chai, the direct descendant of Attila the Dun(ce), came right up to my room, armed with a Swiss army knife and knocked on my door.
      I had just come back from a refreshing bath and was flirting with myself, flexing my muscles standing in front of the mirror when there was this knock on the door. I hurriedly wrapped up myself in a towel and unsuspectingly opened the door. There she was standing, brandishing her puny, sharp knife at me with a murderous glare and poor me, guarding my lineage with a flimsy, cotton towel. I immediately agreed to whatever was that that she wanted without even thinking. There was no need to. It was a foregone conclusion. Like a Farah Khan movie.
      Ten minutes made history, I was roaming the streets of Ahmedabad on my Scooty in search of a restaurant that she told me she knew exactly where it was and had conveniently forgotten. Smoke literally billowed out of my ears as I fumed beneath my pink shirt. The sun bore down on upon us and my temper was slowly losing its bearings. Then disaster struck.

1. Smoking is injurious to health.
2. It leads to partial amnesia.
3. I am eternally broke.

      All these led to my vehicle sputtering and dying in a rather dramatic manner, right at a traffic signal. It stubbornly refused to start. We stood there like fools, kicking away, like a couple of morons trying to demonstrate the art of cycling to mules. After the traffic policeman came to us and ostentatiously requested the 'saar' and his 'missers' to get off the road, we pulled off the road and parked the vehicle right next to a building. Only after a crow pooped on my shirt and I looked up to swear at the crow did I notice.... Holy Hypermetropic Hannibals of Hungary! We had come to the very place, the very restaurant which she had told she knew exactly where it was and had conveniently forgotten! We had found it!
      We did a jig on the pavement, that made the Aborigine death dance look distinctly civilized, and entered the restaurant which she had said she knew exactly where it was but had conveniently forgotten. We sat, we ordered a pukka Tamil Nadu meals replete with more kozhambu, vadai, bisi bela bath, payasam with extra ghee and sunk into the felt. The food came and we ate, chattering about my ingenuity.
      After an hour of constant munching and swallowing sounds that reverberated around the restaurant, two people burped loudly, apparently contented. We were so full that if Kubrick made a movie on us he would have named it, "Full Glutton Jacket". Bad Joke. Anyway, I smiled at Chai. She too smiled back, very satisfied. And then the bill came.

      Nothing happened for ten minutes. We sat staring at the bill, waiting. It did not dawn on us for quite a long time. We kept on waiting. So did the waiter, looking at us despondently, as if there was only one last beedi on earth and his attaining the antique, depended on the tip we were going to give him. Then it hit us. The inevitable had happened. The oft-told tale of misunderstanding and confusion. The one which we dreaded that we would never dread about. There was nothing wrong with the bill.
       I, because of my past financial connections (condition number 3 included), had come to the evident conclusion that she was going to pay and vice versa.
     The situation was desperate. We had to think of something quick. I took out my mobile phone and answered nobody, slyly excusing myself. I walked out of the restaurant nonchalantly, shouting and gesturing loudly in Tamil, into the phone. My phone was literally covered with two liters of spit. I had to do it; for the dramatic effects. The second I was out of the doors, I broke into a run.
      Seconds later, Chai joined me. We ran and ran. And ran. And ran. And ran. And ran. We kept on running.

And then we remembered my Scooty.


41 comments:

arshat.chaudhary said...

Alright...
This goes out to u and chai(nice nickname)...
Some observations
1 : One who asks the other one out pays!
2 : Wht muscles were u flexing without a towel on!
3 : U dont talk about ur PINK shirt on ur blog! :)

Nice post mate!

sirpy said...

@arshat chaudhary:

1: If only everybody knows that.
2: What do you think?
3: My pink shirt is Awesome. It's Armani. :P

And thx..!

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

Sirpy...

I have come to the conclusion(s)

that...(with reasons in brackets)

You are gay and are fooling a girl by making her your girlfriend and telling her ure straight(Pink shirt???!??!?!/Flirting with yourself!?!?!?!?!)

you are cheating on the girl you are fooling and two timing (Chai??!?!??!)
..........

oktatabyebye

Sudhakar said...

Interesting story?

What happened t o scooty?

Adorable Pancreas said...

Pink shirt. Sad. Howlingly funny, but sad.

posso said...

Pink shirt, Chai and a non-smoking scooty :D

Man, real fun! rotfl

Ziah said...

hahahaha... Sirpy!! Ok, pertinent question.... Who buys Armani in PINK???? Eeeergh!!:)

Santosh said...

some more doubts.
1.how a not so hungry guy eats up a 5 course lunch including deserts.

2.is a swiss knife harmful enough for a guy lineage

3.how Chai managed to break our of the place she knew exactly where it was and had conveniently forgotten?

Gayatri said...

oh god.. hahaha.. :P the running away bit mustve been REAL fun..

i remember one time friends and i
went to this posh overrated thai eat out, the rice had a stone in it.. so we made a HUGE fuss, and they gave us desserts on the house..

henceforth we decided to carry stones or anything non edible.. :D

DHIVYA ARASAPPAN said...

Holy Hypermetropic Hannibals of Hungary! That was funny! :D

PurpleHeart said...

ha haa !! So they din't mind Chai conveniently following you out, with nothing paid ?

Ziah said...

BTW Sirpy, You're tagged!! :) Go see my blog for details!!:)

Compassion Unlimitted said...

First time here..great fun and reading..now two questions popped..1)were you still with the towel on,riding the scooty
2)Was the scooty worth the bill
Hmm..some people cant change,and I am a perfect (or imperfect )speciman..
enjoyed the flow of words
TC
CU

sirpy said...

@vaporising phantasm

I AM NOT GAY!!!!

I think that answers most of the questions. :P

sirpy said...

@sudhakar

Ha.. thats the suspense part. That ll be another story... :)

sirpy said...

@adorable pancreas

A pink shirt signifies happiness. It is the epitome color of being ecstatic. There are pink handbags, pink balloons, pink suits, pink condoms, pink parasols, pink transistors, pink shoes even.. So a pink ARMANI!!! shirt is fully justified.

sirpy said...

@posso

Thanks!!

Would it be more fun if I revealed that Chai was actually a guy and I transformed him into a female just to piss him off...?

sirpy said...

@ziah

His Highness, Chimp the Irresistible, does not tolerate pertinent questions as they usually destroy his self-confidence. So he refuses to answer and would be temporarily unavailable until as they say, the dust settles down.

sirpy said...

@santosh

1) Driving hours under the sun saps you out of energy that can be otherwise used productively to harness your system's resources and contribute in a big manner with resorting to your inventory. Since it happened, I had to.

2) The linearly projected tendencies of probability to the extent of slicing a tomato has been explained in a detailed examination of the properties of steel products from Switzerland by Mr. Hhgkjhg. I ask you to refer to his widely acclaimed and well received paper at the earliest.

3) Eh?

sirpy said...

@gayatri

LOL.. Even we tried that once. Then they caught us putting the lizard in the soup..:D

sirpy said...

@dhivya arasappan

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

sirpy said...

@purpleheart

Of course, they did... But she is a female.. Or rather, a hot male..;)

sirpy said...

@ziah

Yup I did...:) Following up is the tag...

sirpy said...

@compassion unlimited

1) Good question.

2) Better question.

Keep dropping by..!!

Honey Bee said...

What did you do afetr that? Did you pick yuor scooty after that? Lol:)

You are Tagged. Chk out on What!!!!

Tys on Ice said...

:) if a movie was indeed made, and with the amt u guys have eaten...this wud hve been called 'the running of the Bulls'

btw, thats mighty small weapon she was using if she intended to do the bobbit....no wonder those muscles needed the flexing :)

santhosh said...

Figure a partha friendship a cut panradhu rite, Bill a partha figure a cut panradhu... Ah for an MBA!!!

Curious said...

Hey sirpy..

Pink shirt: ur talking man!!! :D

Now the Next time am in chennai I'm gonna try something like urs.. Maybe i'll return and pay the bill..But I sure wanna try running! :D

posso said...

Chai - haha poor guy!
Do you think he'll come out with you here after? ;) lol

Na.Su.Krishnan said...

Where is this restaurant? Pls give its address for public benefit.

Nice humour.Satisfied that I finally read something after an hour long search for some good blogs.

Na.Su.Krishnan said...

Browsed through your other posts. Its good..U are tagged in my blog.

Remember "kadamaiai sei palanai edirpakkade". You got the palan.(Hey..I'm not scolding this guy)

Compassion Unlimitted said...

///Of course, they did... But she is a female.. Or rather, a hot male..;)///

Oh more confusion...lol
TC
CU

sirpy said...

@honeybee

We did... :D Another tag..???!!! Now my count has risen to 12.5 tags in five days..

sirpy said...

@tys on ice

Never underestimate the strength of your opponent by the size of your shield.

I made that one up.

sirpy said...

@santosh

Ha.. Ha.. Correcta sonneenga..! Thappilliye...

sirpy said...

@curious

Ha! Please dont. In Chennai you ll be running a roasted human being.

Thanks..!!

sirpy said...

@posso

He/She didn't... But thats ok. There are millions and millions of Chai's. Trust me. :)

sirpy said...

@na.su.krishnan

It's called Dasaprakash and located God-knows-where. Remember we went there by fluke. :)

Btw, Thanks for dropping by..!!!

sirpy said...

@CU

He.. He.. My sole objective..

ScRiBbLeR said...

Hehe..that was funny..pink shirt sounds ok to me..but why a scooty ;)

The World as seen by an Idle Mind. said...

Chai!!!
My foot and rear side...