Oct 13, 2007

The Hole In The Wall

        I was sitting in the auditorium, dozing away. I had never wanted to come. I felt myself slowly slipping away, again.

        It was an hour ago, when DFock came poking around at my door, armed with a file and smacked my round butt awake. I was well into re-discovering the plains of
Ayesha Takia, before this imbecile messed it up. He was going for a presentation that was to be given by a MNC and he wanted company. In effect, he wanted me.

        I lethargically rose, stretched, swore at him with the choicest words and promptly went back to sleep, pulling the pillow over my head. I was in no mood to listen to a guy in a black suit, flinging words like markets, hedge funds, investment banking, sectors and the like. I was better off with my girl, Takia. And being one of the only two members of the famous, Young Achiever Ayesha Takia Fan Club (the biggest Ayesha Takia fan gathering in Asia), I did think I had my priorities right. But Dfock was not one to accept defeat at the hands of Young Achiever Ayesha Takia and played his trump card.

"They are giving free pizzas."

        Ten minutes later, I was walking, dressed smartly in a bright red shirt, brown trousers, brown shoes, brown belt, hair combed, face well-powdered; looking good enough to screw Amitabh Bachhan's Reid & Taylor contract.
        In line with my prognostications, there was a man in a black suit, who did use a lot of words that seriously sounded troll to me. I drifted away, within seconds. As time progressed, the presentation got duller and duller. Towards the end, the man in the black suit himself, was so bored that he yawned widely, displaying his wide array of yellowing teeth and quickly wound up the presentation, commencing the rush for the pizzas. I ran first, grabbed a Coke bottle, a pizza and professionally, slipped under the cover of the dark, tripping over a dozen people in the process, to a tree and started the assimilation. I was soon joined by DFock, a couple of mutts, a crow, a few flies and 32 mosquitoes.
        I was deeply involved in the demolishing, when nature gave me her call as she always does, in the most inappropriate places and at, singularly, the most inappropriate times. I told DFock to protect my pizza with his life and rushed to the nearest restroom.
        There were many a time, in the intrepid life of Chimp that he has encountered indescribable dangers, endured pains beyond the thinkable, slept with female lions, grappled with bearded bears and scared the crap out of a bunch of dingos. But he had never encountered something this obscene or horrific.
        As I was relieving myself, I was startled out of my wits by a sound that suddenly came out of one of the cubicles. The voice was singing; rather trying to sing, an old Ilayaraja song. As the song rose in pitch, the voice grew shriller. I fell, clutching my heart, my hands flew to my ears and hair; the sound was simply horrendous. Ilayaraja would have cut off his right hand and drowned himself in the Cauvery. It made my testicles shrink; my nerves snapped, my eyes gouged themselves out, the toilet mirrors cracked, a lizard dropped dead and Al-Jazeera broadcast Lindsay Lohan's video. The voice was the scourge of the universe. I did not want to die. Not at least, this way. It felt undignified. I ran out in sheer fright; extremely relieved that I had survived. Unaware that I had forgotten something. Something important. Very important

        I reached DFock, who had unashamedly, finished his pizza along with mine and burped loudly in my face. Disgusted, I turned and snowballed into a senior Placecomm member, who started yelling his big head off. He asked us to mingle with the delegates who had come to give the presentation and behave like good managers. Obediently, I strode up to the man in the black suit, who by now had a hot female in a short skirt accompanying him, answering questions to a huge motley crowd that had gathered around him. I joined the crowd and animatedly asked dumb questions and irrelevant doubts.

I did not notice when the others pointed and gestured.
I did not notice when the man in the black suit replied to my questions with a smile, every time.
I did not notice when the female blushed furiously.
I did not notice when a couple of girls in the crowd fainted.

I finally noticed, when I reached my room and looked at myself in the mirror.

        My shirt was poking out of my zipper which unfortunately was open. I ran out of the balcony and jumped. Almost. And then I laughed.
        I do have the balls, I thought. My auricles swelled with pride.

36 comments:

Zee said...

well...u're one candidate they'll never forget!!!!

Gayatri said...

LOL.. oh my freaking god.. =))

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

you counted the mosquitoes??????



No really, you COUNTED mosquitoes!!!


You disappoint me.


And to think I thought IIM was filled with thinkers. I met one and I started doubting your race, I met 2 more and my doubts became more a reality than I could imagine. Now I read this and conclude that jeppiar college of engg would have some competition in vettiness..

32 Mosquitoes it seems...

hmph

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

ei, what ya? why agony and all ma? Dbab all your seniors and ask. You just might find out. :D....There, see I even gave you a clue. :D

Abhi! said...

They prolly will Shortlist you for this wonly :)

Tys on Ice said...

:)...free pizza and a free show...man, this is how corporate presentation shud be...

Rathna said...

LOL SIRPY.

Supriya Narang said...

I did not notice when a couple of girls in the crowd fainted


Really ??? LOLS!

Santosh said...

haha. that was a day for you. it means a good and a bad day for you. bad cos you never had pizza and good cos gals saw something which you are always proud of :)

vigneswaralu pandurangan said...

was it really only d shirt??(sheesh... my perverted mind).. lol...

Parul said...

well ummm... really??

Or you made it all up for a funny post :P

Bungi said...

Ah well... What can one say?

Ziah said...

Hahaha!

Move over Bangkok, Vegas... IIM seems like the hot new destination for strip shows:)

Bookmarked your page.. funny person! :)

Chriz said...

i have a doubt... me better not ask it anyways... lemme ask something else... did you hear any accompaniment for that illayaraja song

atomicgitten said...

Lol!!!! I guess that post goes to show that somethings always stand out.(..????I don't think that sounded good)And hey it wasn't a total waste- there was free pizza! And any momentary embarrassment that you might have undergone "flies" away in comparison to the free food hmmm? :D

praveen said...

I also asked few questions about the meaning of their brand name or few other things...

But never heard what they say...

sirpy said...

@zee:

I dont think they did.. looks like they had wanted to know my name and called up the placecomm member.. :D

@gayatri

He.. He.. Yeah.. He is freaking..

sirpy said...

@vaporising phantasm

I did count the mosquitoes.. I counted the bites... :P

And, Dbab.. No result.. But project undertaken..

sirpy said...

@abhi!

That would happen if the female, standing next to him happens to be his daughter and she likes hot guys in red.

@tys on ice
yeah.. for the rest.

sirpy said...

@rathna

TX, RATS.

@supriya narang

Of course, I noticed the girls... I did not understand why they fainted.. :P

sirpy said...

@santosh

I love it when you put things in perspective, man.. Here's a penny for your positive reckonings..

@vigneswaralu pandurangan

Yup.. It was not the ########.. Damn. I am too perverted.

sirpy said...

@parul

Hmmm... I did make it up for a funny post. You are too clever for me, da.. Foxy, I must say... Or, crafty will be more appropriate..? Perhaps, shrewd sounds proper.. :D

@bungi

I know... :)

sirpy said...

@ziah

Thanks yaar... And IIM, a strip club...? No way.. Except one or two daring souls like me, the others walk around as if it was the Antarctic..

@chris

Accompaniment...? Now that I think of it, the voice had enough accompaniment in itself.. Excluding the fart noises and other gross stuff..

sirpy said...

@atomicgitten

You do have a way with words.. :)

@praveen

Who listens da..? The last time I heard a ppt was.. Oh.. Crap.. I ve never heard anything in any ppt all my life..

love and squalor said...

glad to know that was a piece of fiction.

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd0209.gif

sirpy said...

@love and Squalor

IT IS NOT A WORK OF FICTION..!! IT IS AS TRUE AS MICHAEL JACKSON IS A PAEDOPHILE..!!

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

*sigh* :)

sirpy said...

@vaporising phantasm

Bah... I am not giving up..

CM-Chap said...

Ha Ha..

Dude I understood u dnt like free lunches... so u did a show in exchange of pizza? Ho boy...

CM-Chap said...

Dude.. I'm blogrolling u..OK?

sirpy said...

@cm-chap
No. It was not quid pro quo, if thats what you meant all along. Humph.

And, thanks..:)

posso said...

i first thought that you came outta loo like 'naladhamayandhi' Madhavan ;)
atleast you were lucky! it shud hv been the D-day for you :D you grabbed the attention of all.

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

@sirpy....

ashoooo...the will and determination of a pushy marketing executive shows in you

Adorable Pancreas said...

*Applause* That was so awesomely funny!!!! Salutations, my good man.

Welcome to my blogroll.

Ziah said...

Hey! So whats new with the chimp?? More tales, c'mon..:)
Thought I'd let you know, if its ok with you, you're now on my blogroll..:)

sirpy said...

@adorable pancreas:

Thank You...!!

@ziah

Sure thing, yaar.. a bit caught up in this placement process..

And thanks a ton... :D