The Zound Of Muzic

       The zimpleness of it all zuggezted an ill-concealed notion of complacence. I admired her. She was very careful and decidedly clever. Amidst the background sounds of a semi-nude female, tearing out her lungs exprezzing her undying love, she had almost disguised it. But I knew and gave her a patronizing smile. She smiled back confusingly. I patted her hand and murmured, "I know, my dear. Don't worry, I wont tell anyone". I whipped out my handkerchief and inconzpicuouzly blocked my nazal apertures, just to show her that I meant what I zaid.

       She turned, apparently befuddled and continued to watch the movie. But I knew. Let me take you through my inferential procezz.

Step 1:
It was Pungin who suggested that we go for a movie. Me, Dorky, and Saastha unzuccezzfully objected, vehemently. She stood on her nut and refused to budge. She even gave us a lewd wink and that apparently did the damage. Dorky keeled over, like a pile of uneaten dog biscuits and it was three against one. Saastha was smitten by Dorky, you see.

Step 2:
It was Pungin again, who pranced out of the auto, her co-ordinates set on a decrepit pani-puri stall that seemed to be constructed out of broomsticks and smelt like the Coovum; only worse. The shop owner looked greasy as did his nails. My masticated lunch roze to my throat, which I zupprezzed with a cough, a hiccough and a hiccup.

Step 3:
Me, Saastha, a group of gawking locals and a rabid dog watched Pungin and Dorky polish off puri after puri after puri. I could hear Dorky's pant buckles trying to zwear and groan at the same time. Pungin was wearing zynthetic zweat pantz and they must have been quite flexible to accomodate her cud.

Step 4:
The zecond we entered the multiplex, Sastha and Pungin suddenly disappeared and reappeared ten minutes later, looking a bit too flushed and relieved for comfort. My grey zells kicked my brain's butt and both of them started their ruminations.

Step 5:
My Biology Sir's credentials, when he taught me the mechanizms of the lower abdomen were pretty good. In spite of the fact that his daughter eloped with his cook instead of his driver. Consequentially, I had to shell out fifty rupeez having lost the bet.

Step 6:
The primary goal of every hand-driven cartwallah in Ahmedabad, is to add potatoes to everything that they coddle and are mostly the banes of the human inteztine.

Step 7:
The movie began. I was sitting in between Saastha and Pungin. Dorky was on the other side of Saastha and znored through most of the movie. Pungin occasionally squirmed in her seat, at regular intervals. My doubt train chugged away.

       Zeconds before the interval, I heard it. It was very muffled. But my ears, as my ENT zpecializt would say, were too good and instantly picked up the sonic waves. Burnt cotton fumes, pervaded the circumference of my body's circle of authority.

       It was a fart.

       A shrewdly released fart at that. It did not take me long to add 1 and 1 and come up with 84.72. It had to be Pungin. I turned and smiled at her, assuring her. She waz a bit miffed, that I knew her secret. But nevertheless, once again Chimp had proved his mettle and he gave himself a well-deserved pat.
     An hour later, we were travelling in the auto back to the institute. Being the youngest and the smallezt, I was forced to perch myself on Pungin while Dorky travelled, snoring on Saastha's shoulder. The wind froze my vitals and I pulled myself closer, with Saastha's cotton dupatta. Cotton dupatta?? Lightning burnt my neuronz and instantly everything fell in place. Saastha was wearing a cotton salwar. She did not eat the pani-puri because she had eaten at the mess. The menu had aloo mutter today.
      I slapped my forehead and curzed. I had been blind and foolish. It was not too late now. I squeezed Saastha's hand, told her I knew, muttered a zorry to Pungin who by now had decided that I was a potential threat to the sane community while I gave myself the selfsame well-deserved pat. Elation filled my innards. Chimp's deductionz are never questioned. Never.

       And then, Dorky farted in his sleep.